I Love Spam

This spam is no pig meat and all other unwanted piggy parts mashed into a tin can product. And no- it does not have any expiry date either. But yes, it does fry my space...and sometimes my humor.

I am talking about cyber spam.

"From the nation of Independent X Nation of Africa."

or

"engrogivosilificus temperamentalati erectoinstantati penesylium"

and the new

"you've won and apple 4 gig Ipod Nano"

Spam humors me. I know I am not supposed to like it. I've got spam filtering arsenal all loaded and gungho on my gmail, but I read them anyway. Just cause they are so darn funny. I mean, where else, in what kind of literature would you expect some African dude from some impoverished African nation that has only bones and archeology to offer wanting to thrust a million bucks in your account. Most often than not its the widow of a deceased high ranking official or bank manager in the bargain. For solo folks like me that adds some spin- who doesn't like a tall dark damsel in despair? Yet, I haven't replied to any... cause I know these damsels aren't really damsels, they are men in disguise. I go to Africa, sipping on my mineral water, and perusing the landscape of Sahara with my binocs and I spot my Mrs. X in Mr. X's clothes... only men are capable of causing and falling for such antiques. Women are the brighter species... they don't send no mails to do their job- they'll come themselves... and men wouldn't even know that they've moved on.

Now the second...with their claims that medicine, or miracle drug would turn me into Ricky Ponting's best guarded secrets- his darned wickets. I'd have Shoab charging at me and Kumble throwing me guglis. Basically, I'd be stumped in no time. Or whacked before by Ponting and his Aussie mates. Only if their claims had been in moderation.. I'd subscribe to the wonder pill. I'm no dog but who doesn't want to be bigger, longer and uncut...South Park?

Free apples...even Sir Newton didn't have those!!! It caused a dent in his head that sent physics all over its head. It was never the apple but the effect of the thump on his head that got his eyes rolling all over scientific stardom. And Stevey, yeah, I call him that... that .... that little cool cat is a shrewd businessman in all the positive of senses... how could he part with his products without a price? We know he's never going to become a Gates in his lifetime... cause Gates loads his customers with free stuff for which you need to buy 3 year warranties and wait on hold to a certain Monica, Jenny, Amanda... oooooooo...... Nancy over the phone for three fuming hours before they say in some foreign language, "Arrey baba... kis c**tiye ne yeh lene ko bola thaa.... mein sirf higher secondary pass huun... tumko babysit woh bhi telephonically kaise karoon."

Yup! I can proudly say, "I LOVE SPAM" whether tinned or untinned.